I think I am morally bankrupt
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
