My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
