Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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