I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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