guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
