Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
