DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
