What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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