did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
