I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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