elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
MIDGETS
????
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
