How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
