Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
