he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
