Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
