My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
