ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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