Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
