My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
