and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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