I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
