And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
