I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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