Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
