I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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