all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize