I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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