Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
