You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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