You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize