i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
