I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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