i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
