he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
