If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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