If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
