i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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