Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
