Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
