I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
