They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
