im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
