The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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