There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
