When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
