i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
