When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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