You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
