Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
