How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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