someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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