I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
