I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
