i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
