I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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