you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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