That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Still dying that you shit outside
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
