Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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