I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
