So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
