i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
