I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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