you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
