dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
