She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
