I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
