they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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