at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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