I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
