He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
