We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
