I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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