i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He passed out mid-signature
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
