i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
