If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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