fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That accounts for only three of the penises
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
