Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
