if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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